hmmm

i wonder whats wrong with me?

whats wrong with this day?

my friend used to tell me that a day is just a day we are just the one who describe it with GOOd or bad.. well about this day i have a cold and its raining..
and i really dont know what to feel.. i wake up with a bad dream mmmm i mean with a dream and the day doesn't really went the way i wanted it to be.. but i'm thankful for i know the Lord loves me so much...and i praise him for this day.. well its my attitude that makes this day wrong.. i'll try to change by Gods grace...

two words,i do

In a while, in a word,
Every moment now returns.
For a while, seen or heard,
How each memory softly burns.
Facing you who brings me new tomorrows,
I thank God for yesterdays,
How they led me to this very hour,
How they led me to this place...

Every touch, every smile,
You have given me in care.
Keep in heart, always I'll,
Now be treasuring everywhere.
And if life should come to just one question,
Do I hold this moment true?
No trace of sadness,
Always with gladness...
'I DO...'

(Instrumental)

Now a song that speaks of now and ever,
Beckons me to someone new,
Unexpected, unexplored, unseen,
Filled with promise coming through.
In a while, in a word,
You and I forever change,
Love so clear, never blurred,
Has me feeling wonderous, strange,
And if life should come to just one question,
Do I face each moment true?
No trace of sadness, always with gladness,
'I DO...'

Never with sadness...
Always with gladness...
'I... DO...'

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/l/lea_salonga/#share

ur the only one who makes me cry...

Never thought that I would still be grieving..I have suppressed it along time, thinking I’ll get over you soon but the more I attempt to convince my self the more I learn that no matter what I do, no matter what I say and no matter how many guys would give their attention and time for me still no one will replace you. You’re the one I want to marry cause you’re the only one who showed me the best of life each time I wake up.. But how will this things happen when your madly in love with someone else now.. And each time I look at you happy and contented I lost bit by bit my hope and my heart.. it doesn’t mean that I don’t want you to be happy but I don’t want to be a hypocrite … you know that I hate lies but all this years I’ve been mendacious but now I don’t want to lie to my self anymore I don’t want to hurt other people by using them to forget you, for now I know that I would never learn to stop thinking about u unless someone will replace you but that would be impossible because no one can be compare to you.. What more can I do when it’s already too late? Would it be possible to turn back time? Because I would give up my last breath just to hear you say once more that you love me so much.
It’s been years that I wasn’t able to cry, keeping my self strong was easy but to kept my heart from telling you that I love you is more than death and to stop my self from what I used to believe is more than losing my self in a black hole without your hand to hold ………….. anguish!

tired of searching

How do we value the things we own? Sometimes we forget to hold on things that is important because of its availability but when its gone, when its no longer in your hand; suddenly we realize how much it cost us.. we try to deny first.,Declaring its okay and we don’t need it or it has already dish up its purpose but letting go acompanies bitterness.. and loosing something involves loosing our self.because it suggest that no matter what it is “its still important enough to hurt us”
Searching for love and for companionship well so far I havent have the luck, I tried to get to know a bunch ofpeople in opposite to my sex but so far the search is going no where.. and I’m getting tired enough,mislaid hope.
People are mostly hypocritical, opportunistic , and looking for “ panandaliang-aliw”…( just looking for sex, fun,games) and that adds to my discouragement. That’s why I wanted to stop searching and to try to wait… I know that I would not receive the same emails I used to have.. the same attention I get and all of the compliments I receive from different guys who is trying to have me for fun.. but its okay .. I guess waiting for the right one is much more complimenting than to find someone for short time..it will just break me more and more…
This time I’ll wait for someone who will be willing to accept me no matter how imperfect I am.. and who will try to hold me not because of lust but because he love me..
So those who will contct me.. think twice..because I’m tired of hyprocites
( well this realization comes in my mind just because I lost my phone .. it was stolen from me but true enough that everything happens for a reason and God has a big plan for me.. He wanted me to learn!!!)

today

today i cried hard enough to release all the pain i kept..
today i lost someone i love... i let him go because i'm tired of having him

a dream

I was dreaming that’s the only thing I know at that moment .. my dream is so vague and all I know is that I’m at the middle of something important. I barely remember what happen in it, I just discern I’m in my room with all of its items so much in mess and I wonder how come a small room can cater those things..
I don’t know what to do and the room is in mess, don’t know what to do first to clean it. my mind is trying to figure it out but it cant, then , I wake up…
I suddenly realize I need to put things in writing for I know it reflects my life and how I am living it.
The room represents my whole being.. and its little details are my own desires, want, sin and lies ;
When I was born that room was so clean and with things that I just need. My mom, dad and sisters that I consider my world and my only means to live. When I get older by years my room becomes so filled with things I thought I wanted but when it landed my hand and used it for some time I loss interest and stock it in my room … as I continue to grow I made mistakes of choosing what I need and what I want .. without realizing my room is so filled that its has no space for my own self..
I wanted to cry knowing I cant undo what I become in my life, cause I cant turn back time when I decide to make mistakes that hunts me today..

But what makes me at peace is my God who gave His only Son for me to the cross…
I know I cant fix my life, but I know he can.